If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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