Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
