Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
