Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
