everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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