ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
