Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
