We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well I just put wine in my tea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
