Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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