I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
