Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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