Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
