Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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