you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
