dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
