We won't sleep together?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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