My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
