i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.