Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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