is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i came on her dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YAS. BRING CRAB.