okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!