1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
