To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
