oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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