and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
