Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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