You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
