her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
