There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nutella sex= disaster
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and you fell through a lawn chair
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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