oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
