If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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