Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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