It's like God shit irony all over that family
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
