Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
