I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
