I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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