I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
