I want to make a zoo with you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
