either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
