My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
