He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
