I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
