just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude. I can hear the air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
