I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need to stop coming to work sober
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
