WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
