i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
