it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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