he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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