She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
