the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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