Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
