i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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