I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
