I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
