Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize