it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
