Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
