So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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