thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need a sexual gate keeper
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
