I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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